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Just Keep Talking
While there are universal and timeless themes like protection, love, provision, sacrifice and guidance that mark and define the relationship of a parent to a child, we must acknowledge that the challenges that parents face today in helping their children navigate through an increasingly sexualized culture are unprecedented.
While foundational love, commitment and clear values may be firmly communicated and modeled in a family, outside influences, which can be monitored to some degree, are as pervasive as air. Influences that shape positive attitudes, expectations and behavior are challenged 24/7 by a culture in chaos and by a media that portrays sex as all glamour and no consequence.
How then can parents successfully guide their children through the digital maze of media that seeks to undermine what most parents want for their children? While in the age of sophisticated technology this may sound simplistic, may we advise to just keep talking.
We know about the non-stop communication habits of most teens with texting and MySpace and cell phones and internet. We know they are “wired.” We know that most teens would feel unbearably “cut off” if their lines where down. Today the need to “stay in touch” verges on a sort of communication hysteria. Parents would do well to recognize this desire for connectedness and find ways to keep the conversations going. Don’t be fooled. Just because the typical adolescent does not actually give much feedback to your attempts at conversation, it does not mean they are not listening.
Actually when asked where they receive the most influence, teens report that friends, media and parents have the most influence on their lives. Who knew that through all the grunts, one word answers and lack of eye contact that this was actually the body language of the engaged and listening adolescent?
Therefore it is not wise for parents to stop talking because a teen does not seem interested. This is, of course, not a green light to badger teens with non-stop or contrived conversations, but an invitation to realize that teens have a need for feeling connected even if they don’t verbalize it. They are listening even though they may look bored or uninterested. With all the messaging they receive everyday it is important for parents to be prominently in the mix of ideas that bombard them daily.
So once again, just keep talking!
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